Happy Never After?

I feel like a child. Enviously looking at another child, holding the largest, most colorful and most delicious looking candy I've ever seen. Well, I could obviously put it to better use than her. Than just staring at it and pretending to appreciate it. I can eat it, relish it, because I know what it's worth.

I feel crippled. Looking at people around me never appreciating what they have, knowing that people like me don't have what they do. If I could, I would do so many things. For myself, for others, for the world. Yet, they never realize the value of what they have.

Have you ever felt that way? When what you don't have, is a person. When you see someone else treat that person so horribly, and they're too blind and still hope they'll find their happiness with them? Have you ever wanted to tell that person, "No, stupid. It's me. I'm your 'Happy Ever After.' I'll treat you the way you need to be treated. I'll love you for who you are. I'll value you, I'll love you. I'll be everything you ever need."

They're obviously so much better off with you than with the person who takes them for granted. But when will they realize that? Will it be too late? You won't let it be too late. But you can't wait forever. Or can you? Because you deserve your 'Happy Ever After.' Or do you? And does it even exist?

Your possibilities of winning this war, are null. But you can't back down now, you've given in everything.
Your mind? Well, it's telling you to shut up and move on. To step into the real world.
But what about that fist-sized heart that always wins? It's telling you to still hope. To stay in the world of fairy-tales because 'Happy Ever Afters' do exist.The heart always wins. It keeps you hoping. And makes you stay in the world of fairy-tales a little longer (and longer), just to see what happens next. So you wait (and wait), with a broken spirit, a broken heart. That hopes that someone comes its way, and takes all the pain away.

---x---

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

Broken, Lifehouse.

Schadenfreude.

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer grows you, serves you or makes you happy.

If they misunderstand everything you do and say, let them go. If they treat you indifferently, let them go. There's like seven billion people in this world and you don't need them if they make you feel miserable and schadenfreude out of your sufferings. It's okay if you're alone for a while. It doesn't mean your lonely and it surely doesn't mean that you can't start over again.

It is said that  living everyday of your life is like writing every action of yours on a paper with ink. You can't erase things once written, but it doesn't mean you should regret about what's you've already written. If they forget the one million good things you've done for them because of just one mistake, they aren't worth the pain you're going through. So start writing the story of your life once again, on a new page, start a new chapter. Stand up again, start again. Even if it means from the very beginning. Show them that you aren't suffering, give them the pain they gave you by showing them that you're stronger.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
– Steve Jobs

Time Machine.

Yes, that was just what she needed. And as it stood right before her, she couldn't believe her eyes. It was a time machine. She slowly walked towards it and as she did, she thought of all that she was going through. Her life was shattered. She had lost everything and everyone she had. The only  ray of hope she had been holding on to slowly faded somewhere in the darkness and left her all alone. She saw all her loved ones screaming at her for something she'd never done. She watched as all of them walked away one by one and soon, she broke down.

'The time machine was the only solution now', she thought to herself. But did she want to go back in time and undo what she'd done or would she rather make sure she never made mistakes? As she finally bid today goodbye, she went to the future, thinking she'd learn to stand up again and start afresh, tomorrow. 

Déjà vu.

I closed my eyes and the most vivid images crossed my mind. I was blinded by unforgettable and intense memories- few that made me smile, some that brought tears to my eyes and the others, made me shudder with horror. I couldn't understand why these memories were coming back to me. I tried to open my eyes, but somehow my eyelids became heavy and glued shut. I could not understand what was happening. Suddenly I couldn't feel myself anymore. All I can remember was that I fell with a loud thud.

I woke up to a peculiar music. I struggled a little and finally opened my eyes. I looked at my hands, they were scarred and so were my arms. I felt the strangest feeling of Déjà vu. I finally realised where I was and things slowly started to take shape. I was in a place I had sworn I would never go to again. I was in the cursed castle. I don't know what had taken me there. Wasn't the curse broken long ago? Wasn't I free? Painful surges of adrenaline twitched in my veins and I felt as though someone had pumped poison into my bloodstream.

Is this just a dream? Will I wake up from my sleep safe and secure with the ones I love? There was only one way to find out. I slowly pushed against the cold stone floor where I lay and with pain I lifted myself up. I glanced around and things looked the same way they looked 5 years ago. The satin violet curtains still eerily embellished the horrid windows and the grey stone floor still had the same strange shine. Each wall had two fire torches on the upper corners and the wooden door looked like it was locked up for a million years. I looked out of the window, but the night was pitch black. So I cautiously walked towards the door, crossing my heart and hoping she wasn't there.

But just as I opened the door, she gave me the wicked smile she always did. Adreana D'Ville. The name that made me scimper and shiver no matter where I was. The name that gave me goosebumps no matter in what context I heard it. The one person who could even make my sweetest memory the worst. She was standing right in front of me and all I wished to do was run. But my feet were fastened to the floor as if someone had used the most strongest adhesive in the world and glued my feet down to the cold stone. I was paralyzed.

Smile.

Smile. Show the world that you're stronger. Stronger than what you were yesterday.

Dream big. Never let others bring you down. Do what you want, achieve what you can. Grow everyday. Make mistakes, learn new things.Value things, good and bad. Let people come into your life and more importantly, if they aren't worth it, LET THEM GO. Don't depend on anything else but yourself. Let your only competition be the person you see in the mirror. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. The whole world is in your hands, you can do what you want, as long as you BELIEVE. Work hard, do whatever you can to fulfill your dreams.

So what if someone important isn't a part of your life anymore? So what if something you wanted didn't turn up the way it expected? Things in your life are shattered? You think there isn't any way out of this mess? There is. Pick up your worn out tools and start again. Use the bricks that they throw on you to build a castle.  Make sure you don't repeat mistakes again. It may sound simple, but it isn't. And that's what makes you stronger. Whining about what happened isn't gonna get you anywhere. People will remember how you had the courage to stand up again and smile, not how you cried and whined about it and ruined the rest of your life.

Everyone sees ups and downs in life. Everyone sees that phase in life where nothing favors them. Most people end up getting devastated. But it's time you strive to be one of those different people who deal with tough questions that life puts across. Use them as opportunities to be better people, to achieve something far beyond thought. This is what most successful people do, if I'm not wrong. They aren't perfect either. They have problems too. But what makes them different is that when they are shattered, they pick up all they have and start again. They believe, they move on. They show the world that small losses don't affect them. They smile.

Broken.

Do you know what it's like to see someone you know become someone you used to know? Have you ever spent endless nights thinking about why you can never get them back? Do you think about them during everything you do during the day, every single second of your day is devoted to their thoughts? Thinking how things got so bad and wished you could just undo everything? Do you ever wish upon a shooting star that things get back to how they used to be?

You try to be strong everyday. It isn't easy seeing them with new people and thinking of the time when you used to be the only person who they devoted all their attention to. You'll knew each other so well, in fact, both of you were so similar. Doesn't it hurt to see them just go away? You miss them but you know you can't get them back. The only songs in your playlist are a few sad songs and all the rest, songs that remind you of your memories with them. You re-read your text messages and smile sometimes, and sometimes you cry, because you wonder why you just can't do anything about it.

But be strong. Be independent. People come, people go. You're the only one you ever need. Don't regret it's over, be happy it just happened. Learn from your mistakes, enjoy what you do and what you have to live with. Love yourself, love others. Believe in everything you want to believe in. Do what you want to do. If you're broken, pick up the pieces and start again. If you're broken, laugh your problems off. If you're broken, know that better days will come. If you're broken, remember that you're perfectly amazing just how you are, so you have no reason to be upset.